I missed my mother today

I missed my mother today
I wanted to know what she thought
Does this suit me Mum?
The colour?
What about the length?
What about how the seams lay?

I missed my mother today
she would know and
she would care
not flatter.
She would know exactly
what to say.

I missed my mother today
there are some moments
when only she will do
one’s reflection
distorted , yet familiar
In every way.

After wine and Snow Patrol

The most profound and frightening experience
I wouldn’t have missed it for the world
descent into madness, fear and desperation
I looked death in the face
her seductive embrace beckoned me home
running with the crazies
wild laughter and cutting sarcasm
she took my hand and showed me
deceit and a wildness of mind of spirit
and of intoxication and wilful endeavours
life in a maze of hedonism and laughter
aching loneliness and partaking of endgames
and drama of affliction and fortunes
of the untenable life in a whirl of
Sweeping vistas of motorways and
listening to Morse code and miles and
miles of nothing and something
in the essence of knowing and disbelieving
in you and me.
The creeping of insects across my skin
I wake to deadening terror of guilt and pain
wrapped in Max Mara suits
endless meetings of air worthiness and steely
museums of the spineless creatures of mirth
with wild hair and mascara
groomed senses of what is right and what is
WRONG.
The passion of hate and the love of despair
I cringed from the longing and the want.
It isn’t wrong to be sad
to be melancholic to bear the weight of
the past with the hope of the future
but what of now? What of you and of me?
The garden, the house I wandered between
in vague hope of finding who and why
in gentle dancing graces of light and air
and the aura of your presence and the aim of
life here and beyond.
Tearing the bonds of energy in sequence of
Fibonacci and with you and with me
we disappear without a trace.